I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
