Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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