Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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