I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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