it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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