Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
