it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize