bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
