I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize