is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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