why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Welp...herpes.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
