I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
