Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
