I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
