Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize