I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
