well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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