his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize