walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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