the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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