We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
