he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
