Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
