is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
