i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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