I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
