Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
