My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
