I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
