Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
