he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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