biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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