Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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