Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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