i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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