Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
