Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
