I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
