just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
