College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
