is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
