how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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