i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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