she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
