sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
