Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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