She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
