Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
