If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
