Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
