All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
