how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
