There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
