I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
