i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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