I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
