My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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