that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
