His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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