it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
