return my video game
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
