I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
"it" just moved
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
