she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
