My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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