i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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