I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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